I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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