every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
