Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
