its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
