I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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