Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
