So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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