my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
