Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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