Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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