I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
