Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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