how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
