If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
