My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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