so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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