I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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