My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
