apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
