I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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