It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
