i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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