I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
