I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
