Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
