This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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