The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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