i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
