yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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