So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize