Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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