he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
