(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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