Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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