I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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