This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
