The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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