you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize