I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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