It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
