it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
