My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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