Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
