yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
