no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
