I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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