I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So vagazzling was a success
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
