Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
