it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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