ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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