My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
someone owes me an orgasm
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
