So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
