I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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