i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
