If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
