It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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