I'm jealous of your bromance
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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