new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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