I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
