btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did i walk over a car last night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
