Can i not drive my cunt home
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize