Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
