I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
