I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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